Dear Erin

Dear Erin,

It's Mother's Day. Our first one without you. One more holiday that serves to remind us of our grief. I remember the first Mother's Day after my mom died. You kids were all little, but I couldn't reconcile myself to the idea that it was a day for me. Mother's Day was for my mom and she was gone. I had to reorder my universe, set her to the side and try to allow the loving hearts of my children to heal me.

I think your children are doing well. Nick has overcome most of his struggles at school and blossoming socially. He actually invited a friend to go to Wheatland with us. He is so excited about it. Peyton went to Kindergarten roundup a couple of weeks ago. She's so creative and independent and funny. She calls me mama quite a lot. I hope you don't mind. She talks about you often, remembering things she did with you. She'll never forget you completely. We won't let her.

We are going to the cemetery today to plant some flowers and place the bench that your friends at Garden Gate gave us. The Sexton removed the big shrub that Grandma Margie planted between the headstones to make room for the bench. We go there often and feed the birds and it will be nice to have a place to sit.

I woke up this morning wishing I could just skip the day, move on to Monday and avoid the painful reminders of who is missing from our family circle. I can't do that, though, can I? I am still mothering Bailey, John and Kimmy. Losing you has made them even more precious to me. I will accept the love and gifts that your children give me in honor of you. I will allow their sweet souls to continue to help me heal. I will help them preserve
their memories of the wonderful mother that you were to them.

Love, Mom